Hey, guys. Happy New Year! Instagram: LazyGirlOfficial
Is everyone on the health craze YET this 2019 ?!
Let’s me be real. I was on a health craze that began all the way back in 2017, when my wedding was just months away and I had to be a Diet Bridezilla- on crack. I did not even have a full year of planning before I married the love of my life on February 3rd, 2018.
Just imagine for a second - our weight-loss plan before the BIG DAY. My fiancé (now hubby) had us on a daily calorie-limit diet where we could only consume a certain amount of calories per day according to our own BMI and weight-loss goals. We rarely stepped out of the diet even on weekends, that is to say- if and when we ate unhealthy, we were still within our "calorie budget" regardless of fat, sugar, or nutritional content.
I signed up for a YouFit Bootcamp (no personal trainers because I was saying the money for my wedding budget). Outside of the boot camp, I also worked out on my own so that I was doing the regular classes after work even when boot camp had assigned a “rest day.”
On the weekends, I was a regular member of the early-bird cycling classes.
Just so you know how crazy it got, at one point I thought I would give the "keto" (fad) diet a try. My attempt was pathetic. I could not get to the point where I cut out ALL carbs- I suffered greatly when I only cut carbohydrates after 6PM. Still did it for two months before my wedding!
After our (lovely) magical day, I kept dieting (non-keto, thanks to me coming to my senses), and working out on a consistent basis. I pushed myself whether I left work at 5PM or at 8PM, I made the time to make it to the gym and still get up the next day at 6AM for work. Every morning I opened my eyes and felt every bit of the workout the night before instantly. It was as if my body had not recovered from it at all. I began to see an effect on my mood thanks to sleep deprivation, which happens when you have a delicate mindset.
I had lost ten pounds for the special day, but after I cut back to working out only 4 days a week and brought carbs back in my diet- my weight was at a stalemate.
I kept pushing the "gym-life" obsession, even at times when I just hated it and my eyes were drooping from exhaustion.
I could feel it at my regular cycling classes - I just didn’t want to be there. My knees creaked at the push of the pedal and my buttocks were always sore the next day when I tried to sit on my ergonomic office chair. I worked out again the days after cycling doing some weight training and I told myself "Working out sore muscles only helps strengthen them."
“You’re so skinny!” I kept hearing at family reunions- “It’s just because I wear big clothes!” I assured them. Sad fact, it was actually true- the scale had not budged a single pound lower, no matter what I did: worked out more, worked out less, ate dinner, or skipped dinner. It was all nonsense!
Meanwhile, my soul died just a little more every time I left work to cage myself again inside the four lime-green walls of my gym. At times, I found myself opening my job’s “clock-in” app on my phone instinctively after a workout when I left the gym- because my brain must have thought I had to clock out of what was clearly still work.
When things began turning sour at my regular job and by sour I mean: monotonous, grueling tasks daily- the gym wasn’t an escape anymore but it felt like more of the same.
Something must have happened on that cold evening in December 2018 when suddenly my back was sore after a weight class.
Why?
I had done all the moves just as the coach showed me. I had not skipped a single rep.
What happened?
Something tore apart- inside me? Inside my back?
All I remember was the next morning I registered pain. Thankfully, was not sharp- stabbing-through kind of pain. But the kind of pain that is all over and feels like moving an inch upwards might actually increase the tsunami of exhaustion.
I thought maybe it was just a minor cramp from a great workout at the gym. After all, the more pain the better as far as I was concerned.
Sure, it might have hurt a little to bend over but it was nothing major- should be gone in day or so right?
*Narrator*: it was not gone in a day or so.
The next few days the pain got worse.
I could not sit in any chair properly without having to shift on to one side.
At one point it felt like I had worked out my abs instead of my back because the abdominal
muscles tightened as well.
If I sat too long in a position that hurt my back and I just weakly attempted to ignore the soreness, the pain was eventually so great and all-consuming that I felt nauseous. I wanted to throw-up from the pain.
Over Christmas break 2018, I finally decided to see the doctor since I had a few days off. An older gentleman with spectacles and a full-belly informed me that I had "lumbago"- a fancy word for what I knew was pain in my lower back caused by muscle spasms.
The pain was so severe he prescribed several (much-needed) pain killers and muscle relaxers, as well as strict orders to stay away from all things exercise unless it was yoga.
Did he really just say Yoga?!-I thought.
In my entire 27+ existence I had never developed a liking to yoga.
Yoga was what all the hippie-millennial, selfie-taking, dog-owning, self-absorbed Starbucks-goers were doing.
Besides, when would I ever have time for yoga?
Well, now that cycling and weights were out of the question, I tried yoga at my regular, schmegular-gym (said a la Cardi B).
Within the first ten minutes, there were fifty minutes left of better things I could be doing.
I could not focus on anything in front of me but the pain during downward dog and the laundry pile I had to get home to.
I took my mat and scurried out. I wasn’t ready. This was going to take more effort than trying a class, this was going to take a mental-health change.
I realized when I got home to a dirty kitchen and my usual routine, there was absolutely nothing I wanted to get started on. The pain became a reasonable excuse to put off my chores until the next day, and the next day… and the next.
Thanks to the mandatory “rest” the doctor ordered, just being at home I realized, I wasn’t doing anything I absolutely LOVED anymore. I was doing everything because I had to.
Where was my passion? Where were my goals? What happened to “after the wedding planning I’ll get back to ME?!”
Did I even LIKE going to gym anymore? If not the gym, where could I be instead?
The pain had been a wake-up call, “Hello, may I speak to the successful Lazy Girl Blogger right now?” You can’t! Because she’s DEAD (a la Taylor Swift) and we need to bring her back ASAP.
2019 was almost here and I needed a medicine to revive the dead.
I began analyzing my current state of mind with a stillness brought on by sudden realization and a sudden peace of having nothing to do AND nowhere to be (and let’s face it… lots of pain killers).
What if, instead of just working at the office, at the gym, and on my business like I did in 2017/2018, instead I took time out of the week for a great Improv class? That sounds fun! I did it...
& thoroughly enjoyed it.
What if, I volunteered more in 2019?
What if, I played board games with my husband and his friends once a week?
What if I took time out of my weekends to spend with some girlfriends who had shown me time and time again that I was a valuable friendship in their lives?
What if I also made time for the people who have loved me the most patiently, proudly, completely and most compassionately- my family? After hearing friends complain about a lack of family nearby, why couldn’t I appreciate mine more often?
What if, in 2019, I assigned weekly date nights with the hubby like I did leg days and wine & pizza dinners into the meal plan?
What if instead of counting calories, I counted my best memories? You get the idea.
I actually checked the scale since I started my REAL “New Year, New Me” 2019 plan-
I have actually lost 5 pounds- legit. I wish I was joking, for all the blood, sweat and tears those pounds cost me just last year. Well, this year it’s going to be all about ME- my health, and my happiness.
Oh and also, my newly formed MATRIMONY with the amazing hubby that I have- who btw offered to join me at Yoga, and you know what? It suddenly became bearable – nay, enjoyable even!
Happy New Year,
-Lazy Girl Official.